So it’s the eve of the big push. On Monday, I go into Charing X hospital for a heavy dose of chemotherapy and the start of a 9 month course of treatment. Hopefully it will help to stop the current lesion, gnawing away in my brain, allowing me to regain lost ground. It’s not without its pitfalls. It increases my chance of getting cancer, which isn’t great considering 1 in 2 of us will get it and also potentially could damage my heart. Then you have all the immediate side effects, like hair loss, nausea and the dangers of picking up an infection. The drug will reduce my immune system to zilch, leaving me vulnerable – doubly dangerous if living with a chronic disease like MS. However if you are on desperate ground the risks become irrelevant. The last 18 months has been tough and I’ve felt weaker and lost a lot of independence. At times it’s felt like I’ve been swimming against a full on rip tide, head on into a force 9 gale. Without Julie my unstinting ally, my soulmate, my everything really, things would have been even harder and I pity those who fight this disease on their own. I’m so lucky to have great family & friends, many of whom have touched base with me on the eve of battle. Their hopes and fears are concealed, but I can smell their concern about it all going tits up, but I’ve become too hardened and entrenched to let any emotions take over. All I can do now is to remain as positive as ever, keep believing and strike hard. If the conditions become to choppy, then I’ve always got my ‘guardian angel’ to fall back too.  The painting given to me by Graham Rich the renowned Topsham artist, will be my good luck amulet if you want. Mum & Dad rest there but loved the estuary where Graham salvages wood for his brilliant work. On those dark nights if they come, it will be comforting to know that symbolically in my eyes, they’ll be in that ghost ship with Graham at the helm, leading me to calmer waters. Hopefully though I’ve prepared the ground. A good buddy of mine Ryan, has been extolling the benefits of Black seed oil, apple cider with the mother, raw honey and Moringa tea. I trust him implicitly. He is an incredible character, who has faced obstacles in life which most of us would balk at. I’ve gone and ordered all the products as they’ll boost my immune system and plan to drink a garlic and herb/spice drink daily, which seems to kill any colds I get within 24 hours – it’s a brew I swear by and won’t do me any harm. So I’m ready for this, it’s been a long time coming, and I’m as fit as I’m going to be – but most importantly I’m a survivor. No doubt Monday morning in the taxi, thoughts will be running through my head, but they will never be negative, only forward looking. I might however save a place for Pete Segar’s evocative tones, ‘We are not afraid and we shall overcome some day’. The words always give me heart knowing I’ve paid my way – for 20 years now I’ve held my line, now is the dawn to take it forward.